I have been a Soccer Dad for 15 years now.
I would have thought I'd be better at it by now.
I say "Soccer Dad" but some of those years were "Football Dad" or "Basketball Dad" or "Softball Dad" and even 2 glorious and truely awefull years as "Baseball Dad" (but that is another post or maybe even a whole other blog). I have yelled at my children, thretened them, told them all manner of things they where doing wrong, and gone on at great length about what they could do better. It got so bad for a while that I took to coaching. At least as their coach I thought it would be my place to yell at them from the sidelines. As a coach, I did improve greatly. I learned to say less and encourage more. I don't remember a game that I ended with a speech about how poorly they played, but kept it simple, "You guys played hard, I'm proud of you, we'll work on the rest in practise."
Now I am soccer dad again and I'm finding it soooooooooo hard to keep my mouth shut. I know better. I know I don't want my kids head to be on a swival. Looking at the sidelines to listen to his coach, looking at the sidelines to listen to his Dad, and missing the play develop in front of him and missing out on the lesson that comes from getting beat or learning that when he is out of possition he can't get the ball or can't stop the fast break. But I can see everything he is doing wrong and it is so hard not to "help" him. And the aweful truth is it works. I can tell him to do this or not do that and at 7 he still listens to me, and often does what I tell him too and he makes a play, I feel great then, did you see what my boy did? My son will score a goal if I tell him to. It is really amazing. But sometimes it ruins a play, because the advice I gave him was bad or for 30 seconds ago which is a long time in a soccer game, just ask the USMNT how long 30 secconds was at the end of their game with Portugal or just takes his head out of the game.
Also my son is not on the USMNT, and probably never will be. Odds are he will not play soccer beyond high school, if he even lasts that long. Do you know what the number one reason kids quit soccer is? It is no fun any more. And what make kids stop having fun? Soccer Dad. Yeah, it is a painfull truth, but it isn't fun to get yelled at by Dad when you are playing a game. It isn't fun to ride home after a game or practice hearing about all the things you can improve on. It isn't fun to hear "Do you know why you lost that game?" It isn't fun to hear that you need to be "more commited" if you expect to play more. I have said all of those things and more. I can be "Soccer Dad", and he is not a guy I like.
So what do I do now? How do I go from Soccer Dad to the Dad my son needs me to be? What do I do with all that good advice I have? I know what will make him better, what am I supposed to do with that? Nothing? Well nothing is a good choice. It has almost no down side and I can gaurentee that my son will never look back on his time with in youth Soccer and say. "Dad why didn't you yell at me more from the sidelines? Why didn't you tell me everything I was doing wrong on the car ride home." If only you had "cared" more I would be lacing up for the USMNT today. Yeah, that is never going to happen. But, if I keep my yapper shut on the sidelines and tell him what a great job he did on the car ride home and maybe buy him a slurpee when he does have a really bad game and let him know that it is him I love and not his ability on the pitch. Then maybe in high school or college when he finally hangs up the boots, he will say, "Dad, remember that year in Soccer? That was so much fun, I wish I could have another season like that."
Regards,
from a guy trying not to be "Soccer Dad"
